This shining jewel floating in a sea of turds is my Harry Potter fanfiction.
I've been working on it non-stop for two weeks, fourteen hours every day. I had to lick the sweat out of my armpits because I couldn't afford to lose any of my moisture. I simply didn't have the time to fetch a glass of water. THIS WAS MORE IMPORTANT.
Without further ado, I give you: Dudley's Quest.